Christ Pantocrator

The Holy Name

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Category: Writings

  • Abdicating the Apparent Throne

    “More important than events is the attitude one takes towards them.” This statement, in similar or nuanced words, has been said many times, here and everywhere, for centuries; yet interiorising what it implies is not easy, because of the force of habit. What habit? That of considering our inner life as dependent on circumstances.

    It even sounds unreasonable to say that we can remain equanimous when adversity appears in our life with some force. But this solid tranquillity of the heart has been, and is, the core of what the hesychasts propose, and one of the founding purposes of their practices and exercises.

    At first one goes through the pain of recognising one’s dependence, that realisation that we are not masters of ourselves; there then comes the dismay of noticing a set of reactive mechanisms that drive what we say, think, feel and do. This inner moment is difficult, since it usually overturns what we have believed about ourselves and goes against the current of what is generally understood.

    If we apply persevering self-observation, and if we are driven by a passionate search for truth, we abdicate the apparent throne of our self and begin the path of self-knowledge. At first it is a matter of seeing, then of learning not to react, later of understanding in essence the root of human behaviour, and then begins the deactivation of those automatisms that make us do evil when we want to do good.

    Deep transformation (metanoia) requires experiential understanding and the grace of the Holy Spirit. The first requires looking at ourselves truthfully and bearing witness to the processes that unfold in us. The second needs frequent and fervent prayer, an opening of ourselves without fear to the influence of grace, which will probably lead us where we do not imagine.

    Human life is a path of learning that leads us to recognise ourselves as children of God, and this implies much more than can be supposed when it is approached only from the mental or conceptual. Human life is also a pilgrimage towards the sanctuary, which is inner and also outer. For we must accept that the resurrection first required the cross, and that it is necessary to die to ourselves, to the one we have always believed ourselves to be…

    elsantonombre.org

  • Letting Go of the Inessential

    Yes, I understand it, but it’s no use. However much I sit down and try to be in silence or to place myself in the presence, a host of thoughts come to me. It’s incredible, but they are a multitude; I had never seen so many before. I get discouraged. Only sometimes does it seem to me that there is a different gaze, but it is as if I were forcing it from the head; it doesn’t really change.

    Of course. It is not something that happens like turning a knob. Our gaze does not change just because we realise the need for transformation. More is needed. What is up to us is to clear away obstacles. There are several limitations or barriers that prevent us from receiving grace and letting ourselves be carried by it. We need to broaden our capacity for self-surrender. Abandoning ourselves increasingly to the will of God is a process that may take time, but it is full of meaning (Luke 12:22-31). It is the deep significance on which to lean.

    Anxiety, psychological fear, worry, anguish, sadness, anger and visceral aversion towards someone are just some examples of these obstacles we are speaking of (Genesis 35:2). They are like junk in a room and leave no space. There is no air, we cannot move freely there, and the clutter is so great that we feel like locking the door and never going in again. This usually emerges with greater force when we set ourselves to pray or meditate.

    Excessive accumulation and disorder are resolved by throwing out what is left over and putting things in order (Matthew 6:19). There is no special science to this. In a house, space is limited. In the same way, our physical and psychic strength also has its limits. If we want to find what is important and devote ourselves to it, we must let go of the inessential. We cannot serve two masters, or have our cake and eat it too (Matthew 6:24).

    But what does it mean in concrete terms?

    Clearly defining priorities; abandoning activities that do not fit within them, and avoiding dispersion and disorder, both outside and inside. I propose something to you: choose a room or some drawers that are especially untidy. Perhaps a corner of the patio or the balcony, some shelves full of things, or even your bookcase. Spend a good while putting things in order. Do not be afraid to throw away, discard or set aside things to give to whoever may need them. We need to learn to let go. If you cannot find a specific place, you can give your house or your room a good cleaning for the same purpose.

    But approach it in an attitude of spiritual practice. If you allow it, what you do outwardly with objects will gradually have repercussions on your inner contents. Try to pray while you do this exercise. You should do it calmly and impeccably. If you lack time, devote a while to it over several days. From then on, you can establish an intentional relationship between outer harmony and the alignment of your faculties. It can be a great help. Be patient. If you learn this well, you can then do the same in the mansions of the soul.

    If you can, go back to the map you made days ago and review what you wrote down. Or devote more time to it. You need to detect clearly the priorities, the excesses and the obstacles in the different areas, without trying to implement changes hastily. First see clearly, then invoke grace a great deal, and in the end the changes come about gently, more through a conjunction of intention and prayer than through any particular action (Mark 4:30-32).

    Then observe how everything looks after your work. Is it to your liking? Aspire, then, to that same harmony for your life. The right proportion in all aspects is the root of sobriety. “A voice cries out in the wilderness: prepare the way of the Lord, make his paths straight…” (Mark 1:3) will begin to take on a new meaning. A fraternal embrace, invoking the Holy Name of Jesus.

    (To be continued)

    elsantonombre.org

  • Attention, Devotion and Coherent Action

    When I carry out my activities with devotion, it is easy for me to remain attentive to the present. Movements are harmonious, effective, calm, and suited to their aim. Impeccability comes within reach; it becomes a focused and loving way of doing one’s best. Energy is not wasted, only applied. And that strength sometimes returns to me, renewed, from the activity itself.

    When there is devotion, coherence follows of itself, criteria are sound and decisions arise from a natural discernment. Complications are absent; simplicity becomes the substance in which we move. In the end, it would seem that attention emerges as the fruit of love. Devotion is the very grace received, turning its gaze back to its origin. It is like gratitude towards the mystery, as if we were seeking the face of God, knowing that the search itself is already to have found Him a little.

    To conserve energy, to use it well, to become charged with vitality and apply it to coherent purposes is a principal task. This spiritual strength, which in-forms the physical and material, is not separate from the Holy Spirit, and it acts in direct relation to faith and to the attitude of trusting surrender. The vigour of the divine shines through creation. A good part of human problems derive from not aligning ourselves rightly with this providence and from not channelling this gift adequately.

    Attention, devotion and coherent action unify us and consecrate us as living prayer. They return us to our original form; we can be what we are and fulfil the function proper to us in the temple of creation. The Jesus Prayer, as a practice and as a spiritual path, is a good way to restore our strengths, scattered by many and contradictory desires. There is much to explore in this.

    elsantonombre.org

  • Striving for Perfection

    The longing for perfection is an impulse towards God, who is the sum of all that is perfect.

    When in our activities we seek neatness, harmony, that careful quality which results from concentrated application, we are reaching out towards Him; sometimes we realise this and sometimes we do not, but every search for the good or for doing well has God as its goal, veiled or manifest.

    There is no problem with the longing for perfection; the conflict arises when we do not accept ourselves as imperfect, when we do not accept that, in our case, perfection will always be only an intention, a model to which we aspire as the direction of our life.

    What is incomplete, what is imperfect, is one of the characteristics of the human, just like our tendency towards the infinite, the search for the immortal, or sociability.

    This striving for perfection can turn into scrupulosity or a kind of obsession if we forget the above. But as long as we remember that we are children, in need of mercy at every moment of our life, we will remain aware of our humility and will receive error, or the imperfect in general, as part of the spiritual path.

    What is more, what is mistaken shows us what is right in its very manifestation, and because of this contrast we are continually learning. In the same way, the original fall, despite all the pain it entails, points us to our true origin, anchored in that garden of the Presence.

    The Cross points to the resurrection in the same way that our lament before the imperfect shows us the possibility of a future condition, living a clarity without limits, full of a joy without shadow.

    elsantonombre.org

  • Alone with You

    To live based on what is necessary is to live in the desert…

    The desert leaves the traveller without the diversion of the senses. There is nothing striking to look at, nothing striking to listen to; only a uniform immensity appears, and so we lose the variety that simulates intensity. At first the desert is boring. Unable to entertain ourselves outside, the mind plunges into its own affairs.

    And this may not be boring, but it is frightening. We begin to go through the shelves of memory, covered with fears, shelves full of memories that burn or hurt or bewilder; everything that has not been pacified appears as a noisy tumult. The shadows emerge. Here the road forks: shall I drink from fantasies to calm myself, or shall I cross this ghostly realm?

    Nothing is as necessary as the pure water of truth. It tastes of nothing particularly remarkable, and yet it fills us with life. Water in the desert… as necessary as inner truth. In the end, it is the only path to freedom. To leave behind false hopes, old illusions, vain cares; to ask for the courage to meet face to face, alone with you… (to be continued)

    “He found him in a desert land, in a solitude full of howling; he surrounded him, caring for him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.” Deuteronomy 32:10 *

    *The biblical quotation was taken from the “Biblia del Peregrino”, translated by Luis Alonso Schökel.

    elsantonombre.org

  • Whom Are You Seeking?

    Do you still have hope in your life? I mean, do you believe in the coming of Christ in you? Are you still one of those who trust in deep transformation, or metanoia? What is your relationship with the second coming of the Saviour? Do you await Him only out there, or do you conceive that His coming can be present and evident to you if only you attended to the right place? It may be that He has come and comes at every moment, and we simply do not hear His quiet, silent and gentle voice because we are used to stridency.

    We are sometimes so anaesthetised that everything that is soft, humble, welcoming and undemanding goes unnoticed. Have you seen how advertisements grow in noise, colour, and sudden, original appearances where you least expect them? That is to catch the attention of those of us who live immersed in mind-wandering. The constant rumination of the “inner dialogue” covers our perception and lulls us to sleep. Why does this happen? Because of the lack we have of meaning and of a fullness that does not depend on anything.

    As long as I need something external in order to feel good, I am enslaved. Everything that happens keeps altering, influencing and affecting me. I live jumping from one desire to another, changing the object of my longing, because none fills me completely, or only for a brief moment. This matter of the next moment, the way we are always stretched “forward” into the future instead of simply being right now, shows us this automatism; it makes an inner emptiness evident to us.

    But what can I do? For when I go “inward” in prayer, meditation or attempts at contemplation, I find restlessness, or at most a consolation that vanishes as soon as I leave the stillness.

    The first thing is this, and it is unavoidable: to become aware of what we are really seeking behind all our activities. Whether these tasks are banal, consumerist, or holy and spiritual, what we seek is always the same: peace of heart, or the presence of God in us, or a gentle contentment in knowing ourselves beloved and sheltered children, free from any real danger to what we are. These are different words for the same thing, and it could be named in many ways. But what we seek is not what we seem to seek; in everything we are always seeking Him.

    Whom are you seeking? What do you want above all else? The answer to these questions will set the tone of Advent for us, an opportunity to become aware of the one thing we love and long for behind all appearances.

    elsantonombre.org

  • At the Gates of the Temple

    Our inner fragmentation and the dispersion of energies in which we usually live have much to do with one of the most deeply rooted and unnoticed automatisms we suffer from. It is that constant proclamation we make of our likes and dislikes about everything and all things. This discourse, which takes place mostly in our mental world, is so frequent that it has made judging seem natural to us. To perceive is not to judge. In fact, we have much closer duties to fulfil than going around the world labelling what happens according to our particular appetites.

    But there are many things that are not right and deserve to be changed in the world.

    No doubt, but we must see the beam in our own eye (Matthew 7:1-5), and while we do this, which is a lifelong task, we can apply ourselves to the daily duties that belong to our state of life or particular task and exercise there the liturgy of the instant. It is not a matter of refraining from constructive actions towards others or towards the world, but of being clear about our field of action at each moment.

    If you work in the garden, it will be fine for you to decide which species to plant and which weeds to discard, that this does not look right in that corner, and similar decisions that arise from your likes and dislikes. But they are fitting; they pertain to your gardening. Likewise, if you are a politician, you must work to change the laws you consider inadequate in order to promote those that seem better to you; if you work in the kitchen, you will see which ingredients are suitable, and tasting dishes, approving or disapproving, will be your daily task.

    We are referring to the countless thoughts that accompany each perception and are beside the point. They darken our gaze and draw us out of the heart. It may have happened to you that you go to the cinema with someone and, instead of simply watching the film, this person keeps whispering in your ear the opinions that arise in different scenes. This hinders your perception of the story, conditions you and in a way takes away your chance to watch the scenes attentively. Well, the mind does the same to us with life. We must understand that silence can be the response to our perceptions. A silence that is respectful of what God permits.

    Yes, I see it. How do I get out of this? It seems impossible.

    Suggested practice:

    Before beginning your activities, set your best disposition to attend, throughout the whole day, to this matter of the automatic judging or labelling that happens to us. There are three ways that are very useful for gradually getting used to disregarding unnecessary thoughts. First, when you discover yourself wandering, turn to the repetition of the Jesus Prayer. Ask fervently for the grace of inner silence, that which allows us to live in His presence. Another way, which complements the previous one, is to devote yourself to doing impeccably whatever you have in hand, transforming what you do into liturgy, into a ceremony of intimate invocation.

    You can help this praying with one’s conduct, or implicit prayer, by bringing your attention to perception itself, through the senses that are most attuned to you in the situation. Do you hear the little bird and its song? Do you feel the warm water on your hands while you wash? Do you see the nuances that the sunlight paints on that tree? Do you feel the beat of life in your body while you wait in the queue at the market? These three ways, in different degrees, leave us in the atrium of the inner temple.

    elsantonombre.org

  • About thinking

    From the Psyche’s point of view, those who embrace this kind of prayer, must let go of thoughts. The main difficulty is not to get used to prayer, but to deny them; and this, because we tend to identify this flowing of the mind with ourselves.

    • I would like to know more about these points, how is it that we have to say goodbye to thoughts? I think that without them we would not be able to function, we would be like people with severe mental retardation.
    • I perfectly understand your objections. It happens that what we normally do cannot be called “thinking”, and in that sense, we must deny thoughts.

    We must abandon any rambling way of thinking, an erroneous way of organizing our experience as we go through. We commonly call “thinking” to a certain way of labelling the phenomena perceived by our senses.

    We also call thoughts to the associations that automatically happen in our mind between what we perceive and what we remember. Everything that we see receives a name from our mind and it stays permanently linked to our memory records, to what we have lived, to our personal biography. This can be seen as an interesting survival mechanism, but it certainly cannot be called “thinking”.

    Strictly speaking, “thinking” is not something that we do; instead, it is something that is done, or that happens involuntarily, as the digestion of foods, breathing or the renovation of the skin cells. Likewise, inevitably, an image is generated in the mind, which is simultaneously related to what has been perceived. We never see the thing objectively, as our perception is tainted by our biography, personal projects, and themes of preferences.

    This situation is part of our present human condition and, in a certain way, has to do with what is mentioned in the first chapters of the book of Genesis. This way of functioning of the mind, disconnects us from reality, preventing us from seeing what is happening and retaining us in a world with large doses of fantasy. Moreover, we have become accustomed to “live inside” these automaton processes of the mind and to identify ourselves with them.

    We identify ourselves with this mental happening; Imagine that someone has the power to follow the digestive processes and to realize when the food is being dissolved and mixed with the acids inside the stomach. Now imagine that this person does this every day for the rest of his life.

    This is very similar to what we do when we belief we are thinking. We think we think, but, in reality, we are being carried along by a mental digestion of the events that take place in our daily lives. When one stops living with his attentions, when one abandons the identification with these psychological processes, a new world that is unknown to us opens up.

  • Allowing Presence

    Conversion Series II

    A way of life that has become customary to us is to live stretched out, stretched out towards the future; generally toward diverse purposes in various areas of our life. Multiple desires form images of ideal situations and towards them we set out, usually in haste.

    How does this start? It is a habit acquired through the family, the media, and culture in general. We observe our vital situation through the prism of likes and dislikes. To each perception we add a “like” or a “I don’t like” or a “more or less … but better if it were” … What we observe in social networks and in almost all media, this  “like” or “dislike” to what appears is actually a reflection of what was already happening in us. We perceive taking position, adding our personal imprint, adhering or rejecting. This is not perceiving. This is desiring. We live desiring. 

    We live pulled by the shortcomings, almost all apparent. They are seldom such. This is neither bad nor good, it is a mode of operation very typical of the biological that aims to achieve the best environmental conditions to ensure the survival of the organism. However the life of the spirit is different. It is above all an attentive look. From there you can observe the situations and also the desires that appear as part of it. But it remains at a distance. There is an openness to the teaching that events bring as a result of the omnipresent will of God. The supreme mystery is revealed through what happens and reveals meanings accessible to the spiritual senses.

    To see, we must leave what we want in parentheses. Allowing presence to manifest. Fast from appetites and from the many desires, not repressing but witnessing. This transforms them into perceived objects and strips them as simple impulses that come and go. There is no reason to live life at the expense of those variable winds and be subjected to their whim. Otherwise we are never more than stretched to where we think we are going. There is nothing wrong in heading towards some goal, in having some planning; the problem is in living beyond here; in extracting the vital force of an imagined future instead of a current now and in that sense, more true and truthful.

    Where do we go? What do we despair of achieving? A sensation without a doubt. Feeling of peace, well-being and fullness. What if what we are looking for was already present but hidden precisely because of that inauthentic way of living? What if the problem was not in what I lack in this or that area of life but in my way of being and being? If this were so, if the center of the question were my mode of existence; the solution should necessarily come from within. Sometimes grace manifests itself as a deep understanding that allows for genuine and stable conversion. Or a radical fall into account may occur that draws back the veils, causes the surrender of fantasies and the air becomes clean as on a fresh morning.

    The meaning of life does not derive from a purpose in the midst of unappealable finitude or diverse goals to be achieved. Meaning is something that runs through life right now and remains unchanged, available and abundant. They have called it the awakening of the spiritual senses; also The Christ of the heart or the light of the Holy Spirit. Beyond names and forms, it is an unmistakable presence that transfigures the world.

    It sounds good but it seems somehow disconnected from my reality. How to bring it from words to my own reality? …

  • The inner lent

    The conversion series I

    What can you tell me about Lent?

    In a way, life can be seen as a Lent, as the preparation for the final step, Easter, resurrection. It will be good to internalize Lent. Giving the body some fasting never hurts; it shows us the dependence we have on food as a means to appease anxieties, it exposes our slavery to acquired habits and customs. The main purification that fasting or some deprivation shows us; It results from this awareness that brings us back a bit to humility. It places us with more criteria in the reality that we live and not in which we believe we live.

    What reality do we live in? Dependency. Endless desires that have become needs. It is no longer the need of drinking water but rather this or that flavored drink. It is no longer eating what we need but that particular dish that we want so much and that the more we taste the more we desire. And just as doing the exercise of depriving the body of something habitual puts us in the presence of the submission in which we live to its impulses; giving the mind some fasting leaves us surprised; we notice the vagabond sleeper in which we usually remain.

    What would it be to fast in the mind?

    Stop ruminating the same old thoughts. Stop always thinking about the same things as if in that chewing of tensions the problems were going to be solved. Recognize that, in the same way that we usually eat a certain sweet for breakfast, thoughts tend to run along the same old path, more or less at the same times. We always tend to eat the same thing, dependent as we are on such aromas and flavors. Likewise, we always tend to “think” the same thing, dependent as we are on certain “worrying” sensations that, if they were not present, would reveal the emptiness of meaning in our daily lives.

    Disregarding the thoughts that appears and directing your attention to your inner purpose is a formidable mental fast. For example, directing our attention to the way of prayer to which we have consecrated ourselves or towards the perception of the presence of the divine in what happens, or simply, concentrating on doing the best possible with what we have in hand at the moment; it is continuous conversion. Grabbing the attention that escapes us, again and again and bringing it back home, to the heart and taking it where we really want to deposit it, is fasting, almsgiving, purification and Lent of the soul. 

    Who remains present at the site of care, tends to eat less naturally, only what is necessary. From this attentive awareness, others are listened to more and a kind of spontaneous charity appropriate to each situation arises. This same vigilance shows us the constant pettiness that traps us and then we are more humble, but without sadness. It is a take off your makeup and look straight ahead and find yourself unconditionally love right there. This liturgical season is supposed as an opportunity for conversion, for profound change … to stop defending an image, to stop pretending, to let go of care and to abandon the vain reasons that bind us to suffering is to become authentic and true penance.

    Extract from elsantonombre.org